


I can't stay

by RobinMediocreFellow



Category: Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alex mother hens aggressively, Alternate Universe - Mortal, Genderfluid Character, Homeless Magnus, M/M, ex boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 20:38:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15736920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinMediocreFellow/pseuds/RobinMediocreFellow
Summary: I have gone through a variety of humiliation over two years of being homeless. I climbed into dumpsters, fought pigeons and lost, even came close to selling my own ass on the streets when money was especially tight and I was starving. Literally starving. Luckily, Hearthstone and Blitzen are always watching out for me, but even they are MIA sometimes. Like today. So here I am, in front of an uncomfortably familiar house in Boston's richest neighborhood. Sighing, I spare one last look at the brass nameplate.Fierro.That's right, I'm desperate enough to ask my ex for help





	I can't stay

I have gone through a variety of humiliation over two years of being homeless. I climbed into dumpsters, fought pigeons and lost, even came close to selling my own ass on the streets when money was especially tight and I was starving. Literally starving. Luckily, Hearthstone and Blitzen are always watching out for me, but even they are MIA sometimes. Like today. So here I am, in front of an uncomfortably familiar house in Boston's richest neighborhood. A lady walking her severely inbred dog gives me a weird look from under her umbrella as I trudge up the driveway, gravel crunching under my boots. I involuntarily duck my head, hoping that she'll just walk by and not yell or call the cops. I'm lucky this time; she simply shakes her head at me. After glancing at the driveway once more to make sure there really is no car, okay, no pedestrians either, here we go, I slowly step onto the grass, ready to make my way around the house. Sighing, I spare one last look at the brass nameplate. 

Fierro. 

That's right, I'm desperate enough to ask my ex for help. 

“Magnus?!“ Alex looks more than surprised to see me standing between Mr. Fierro's well-groomed rose bushes. “What the fuck are you doing here?“ 

“Hey“ I sheepishly drop the pebbles I've been throwing at Alex's window. “I, uh, I've got a problem“

Alex stares at me in bewilderment for a few seconds, then sighs. “Come meet me at the front door“ Then the window closes. 

I hurry back to the front door, but Alex beats me to it, opening the door before I'm even there. Warm air wavers out at me and I find myself leaning into it, a slight relief from the January cold. 

“What do you want“ Alex asks flatly, arms crossed. 

A gust of cold air makes me wrap my tattered jacket tighter around myself. “I don't have anywhere to sleep tonight“

“I haven't heard from you in over two years“, Alex says slowly. “And now you just show up and expect me to let you crash here?“

I open my mouth to reply but Alex is already closing the door and I barely manage to wedge a boot into the crack. “Please“, I say weakly and Alex emerges again, eyebrows raised. “There's a blizzard coming and I - I'm worried I might die if I sleep outside tonight“

Something flashes across Alex's face, but it's gone before I can identify it. “Fine.“ He - at least I'm pretty sure Alex is a he today - moves aside to let me into the house. 

It smells exactly like I remember it; like cleaning supplies and expensive furniture. 

“You're fucking lucky“, Alex says, closing the door. “My father's on a business trip“

Instead of an answer, I just ask: “Pronouns?“ 

“He/Him“, Alex pushes past me. I mentally pat myself on the back. Still got it. 

I follow Alex upstairs to his bedroom, a little self conscious about the trail of snow my boots are leaving behind on the stairs. Alex's room looks different than when I was last here; the bed is bigger, it's cleaner, the cheesy posters are gone. 

“Put your boots on this“ Alex hands me a towel from the bathroom. I nod and lean down to take my shoes off, but my fingers are so numb from the cold I can't even undo the laces. After a few seconds, Alex silently kneels down to do it for me. I have to hold on to his shoulder with one hand as I toe my boots off, revealing socks that consisted of mostly holes. I flex and curl my toes, hissing at the pain from the cold. Alex puts the boots away for me. The snow in my hair and on my jacket is starting to melt and I'm dripping all over his ex boyfriend's carpet. 

Way to make a great impression, Magnus. 

“You need to get out of these wet clothes“, Alex decides, seemingly unworried about the water damage I'm causing right now. He doesn't even hesitate to unwrap my scarf from around my neck, just letting it drop to the floor before turning his attention to the zipper of my far-too-big jacket. It takes me a few seconds to react before I shrug the jacket off, revealing several layers of shirts and sweaters and tights underneath ripped jeans. The jacket drops to the floor with a thud. 

“You need a damn shower“ Alex scrunches up his nose. I huff out a nervous laugh. 

“Yeah, it's been a while“ About two weeks, actually. But I'm honestly too exhausted to even be embarrassed right now. Too hungry. 

Alex shows me to the bathroom, as if I didn't already know where it was, then leaves me to it. I avoid looking at myself in the mirror as I slowly peel off layer after layer of my damp clothes and step into the shower. I cherish the warm water, just letting it hit my body before washing myself slowly. My hair is a rat's nest but I find some conditioner and manage to untangle most of the knots. There is a fresh toothbrush in a drawer and I brush my teeth for eight minutes straight. I don't really want to put my dirty clothes back on, so I wrap myself in Alex's bathrobe (pink and silky), gather my stuff and step back into the bedroom. 

Alex is sitting on his bed, phone in hand, and looks up when I enter the room. I stand there awkwardly, hugging my clothes to my chest with one hand while the other is trying to prevent the bathrobe from slipping off my shoulder. 

“You can put those on“, Alex nods towards a pile of clothes on his desk chair. I nod and go to put my clothes with my boots. The bathrobe is slowly becoming undone, revealing my chest and shoulders. I quickly pull it tight again as I walk back over to the desk, but Alex already noticed. 

“Shit, Maggie“, he mumbles and slips off the bed, walking towards me. I wrap the robe tighter around myself, but Alex reaches out to uncover my chest with nimble hands and I can only hold onto the fabric so it doesn't slip past my hips. “Shit“, Alex says again, stepping back to examine my skeletal torso properly. 

I have to fight down a shameful blush. I know I look like a corpse. With every inhale my skin strains over my ribs, my collarbones look like you could wrap your hands around them. I know. I don't like it either.

“When was the last time you ate?“ Alex asks in shock as I pull the bathrobe back up, averting my gaze in shame. 

“This morning“, I try to lie but as always Alex sees right through me and raises an eyebrow. “Okay, two days ago“

“Shit“, Alex says again, the last bit of resentment leaving his face. Now he just looks sorry. 

“I'm okay“, I insist, I don't like it when people feel sorry for me. I don't wait for Alex to say anything else, just grab the clothes from the desk chair and disappear into the bathroom again. 

Alex's clothes fit me just fine, probably because Alex is fucking taller than me now. Sweatpants, socks, a shirt and a wollen jumper; all in pink and green. The sweater smells like Alex. I ignore my beating heart as I slip it on. I hang the bathrobe back in its place, then leave the bathroom. 

Alex is already waiting for me by the bedroom door. 

“C'mon“, he orders. “You need food“ His tone makes it clear that I have no say in the matter. 

I follow Alex downstairs and to the kitchen, occasionally pulling up my sweatpants (Alex has wider hips than I do). All the family photos that used to line the living room walls are gone, I notice. Alex wordlessly sits me down at the breakfast bar. He rummages through the fridge, pulls out tupperware, opens the lid and sniffs the contents before putting it into the microwave and pouring me a glass of milk. 

“Drink that“

I empty the glass in one go. 

“Tell me“, Alex leans down on the counter in a way that definitely doesn't turn me on, “How long has it been since you've had milk?“

I let out a dry laugh. “Like, six months?“

The microwave beeps, so instead of saying something Alex just shoots me a look before turning around to shovel reheated pasta onto a plate. He sets it down in front of me. I begin to eat as soon as Alex hands me a fork. 

We sit in the living room afterwards. I hold onto both of our hot mugs as I watch Alex light the fireplace, his choppy green locks falling into his eyes. 

“You cut your hair“, I note. 

“Yeah, a while ago“, Alex says as he sits down on the carpet next to me, taking his mug. “I've had it short for over a year now, actually“

“Guess we really haven't seen each other in a while“, I mumbles, staring down at my tea.

“Two. Years.“ Alex says accusingly. I know exactly what he's on about.

I grip my mug tighter. “I'm sorry, okay?“

Alex stares at me, his amber eye glowing like gold. His lower lip is trembling slightly. “You just left. No explanation, nothing. Just a break up note and then you were gone“

“I'm sorry“, I repeat, starting to feel like a trapped animal. “I had my reasons, okay?“ I don't mean to snap at Alex, my words come out harder than anticipated. 

“Oh, I'm sure you did“, Alex says coldly. He doesn't spare me another look, just gets up and leaves the room. 

“Fuck“, I mumble to myself, staring into the fireplace. “Fuck, fuck, fuck“

 

I find Alex in his bedroom, lying on the bed with a paperback covering his face. I knock on the door frame before entering, earning nothing more than a grunt. 

“Look, I'm sorry“, I say, sitting down at the edge of the bed. Alex doesn't even look up. “I really am, okay?“ I try again. “I should have broken up with you in person“

Alex drops the book from his face, sitting up with a jerk. “I'm not angry because you broke up with me“, he says sharply “I'm angry because you just left me alone without telling me why!“ He's kneeling on the bed now, cheeks flushed with anger. “I came out, after you left. My dad almost kicked me out. I had to switch schools. Twice“ He jabs a finger at my chest. “I needed you and you weren't there, you just left and didn't even tell me why, so your reason better be good!“  
He drops his hand, breathing heavily. He suddenly seems incredibly tired. 

“I'm sorry you had to go through that“, I say quietly, resisting the urge to take his hand. 

Alex doesn't answer, just drops back into the pillow and stares out the window. It's gotten dark outside, the wind was howling. I watch Alex's face. He looks so much older. His features are sharper, his freckles have faded so much I can barely tell they're even still there. His eyes look sadder than I have even seen them. God, Alex, I think to myself, I missed you so much. And I'm so sorry. Oh, Alex.

The wind howls outside. In slow motion, Alex silently climbs off the bed, grabs a bunch of clothes off the floor and disappears into the bathroom. I fall backwards onto the bed, Alex's scent engulfing me. Now I have to blink away tears. Every day for the past two years, every damn day, I thought about Alex. Missed him. We were only fourteen when we fell in love and I've been so sure I was over him - but now that I'm here it's like I'm fifteen all over again, waiting for Alex to join me in bed on a sleepover. We would cuddle, share innocent kisses, braid Alex's hair. Tell ghost stories, laugh until we cried. All that feels like a lifetime ago. At only seventeen, I have already left everything behind. 

I have already ruined the best thing I ever had. 

“You okay?“ Alex asks from beside me, startling me. He's in his sleepwear, sweatpants and a huge t-shirt. 

“Yeah, yeah, fine“ I wipe away a few tears. “Uh, where do you want me to sleep?“

“You can stay here, it's fine“, Alex says, voice strangely hollow. 

“You sure?“ I ask again, but Alex is already climbing onto the bed. 

“Yeah“, he says in that weird voice, sitting down on the bed to pull off his socks. “Aren't you going to go brush your teeth?“

“Oh, yeah, right“ I almost forgot. You kind of drop your usual routine when living on the street. When I return to the bedroom all clean and minty, Alex is reading his book again. I sit down on the edge of the bed.   
“Hey Alex?“

“Hmm?“

“Thank you“

Alex looks up. “For what?“

“For letting me stay here“, I smile faintly. “You didn't have to do that, I really appreciate it“

Alex returns the smile. “It's late“, he simply says, putting the book down. “We should go to sleep“

Nodding slowly, I take of my jumper and crawl under the sheets next to him. His body heat makes my skin tingle. He reaches over my chest, flicks off the light and I'm suddenly very aware of how close his body is to mine. I never would have thought to be this close to him again, after I left. After what happened. 

“My mom died“ I say into the silent darkness. “A burglar stabbed her“

“What?“ Alex shifts under the covers, rolling over to face me. 

“That's why I left. She died and I - I needed to get away“

“Oh“

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you“

“It's okay“ 

His body feels so hot next to mine. I'm always cold because I'm so malnourished at this point, but he warms me. Inside and out. I can feel his breath on my neck. Hear the muffled noise of the blizzard outside. This is the first time this month -  this year - that I've slept in an actual bed, I realize. 

“I thought you were dead“, Alex says next to me. I can feel him shaking. 

“I almost was“, I say. I don't want to hide anything from him anymore. 

He chokes out a sob and suddenly he's clinging to me, trembling. I hug him back. 

“I'm sorry“, I tell him softly. He lightly punches the mattress beside me. I don't even flinch.

“Why didn't you come to me?“ 

“I- I don't know“, I admit. He hits the mattress again, releasing a few sobs into my shirt. “I'm sorry“

He doesn't say anything, just sobs quietly. The sounds of it break my heart. But at the same time I wish I could cry. I haven't cried in over a year. I guess the street does that to you. Makes you numb. Feelings fade into the background. But my feelings for Alex, they're still there and burning hot inside me, eating me up. He's still pressed against my chest and I know he can feel my heart race. Back then I would have been embarrassed about it, but now- now I'm just glad I'm here with him, even if it's just for tonight. 

“I missed you“, I quietly confess. The sobbing ceases. His hand curls into my shirt. 

“You did?“

“I thought about you every day“

We lay there quietly for a while, breathing completely in sync. 

“I thought about you, too“, he whispers. 

He's heavy on my chest. I can feel him move, propping himself up on his elbows. A car drives by, lights shines through the window, illuminating his face for a mere second. His two-coloured eyes, sharp features. Full lips. In a flash I reach out, grab him by the face, press my lips to his. Fuck, I missed him. Alex, my Alex. Only when he doesn't kiss me back do I realize what I've done. I immediately let him go, terrified, ashamed. 

“Alex“, I whisper into the dark, only his warm body and quick breathing lets me know he's still here. “Alex, I'm so sorry-“

My words are cut short when he kisses me, actually kisses me, lips warm and wet, hands pulling my face closer. My legs move apart, he nudges himself between them, hip bones grazing the insides of my thighs. I gasp softly when he slips his tongue into my mouth, curls his fingers into my hair. My head is spinning, heart pounding, all I can think about is his body against mine. Far too soon he moves away again, resting his head against my shoulder. We're breathing heavily. I feel dizzy, but in the best way possible. We don't speak. He silently rolls off me. I miss the weight of him already. The air smells like sweat, clay, Alex. One of his hands rests on my chest. A single finger trails down the xylophone of my ribs. 

“You're too thin“, he mumbles. 

“I know“, I reply. “Food's been hard to find recently“ 

His hand stills, rests on my stomach. I breathe into his palm. 

“Are you alone?“ He asks. “Out there?“

“No“ My hand finds the crook of his neck, I let it rest there. “I have friends watching out for me. Blitzen and Hearthstone“ I chuckle lightly. “They're like my dads“

“And your real dad?“ Alex takes his hand away, sits up. My hand drops from his neck. “Does he know you're homeless?“

I sit up, too. “No. And I want it to stay that way“

Alex doesn't reply. He curls up with his back towards me, taking the covers with him. I lean back, pulling my knees to my chest. I don't need my dad. I barely know him, he only ever send a card for my birthday growing up, called my mom like once a year. He's always travelling - or at least he used to. No idea what he's up to now. Don't want to know. Don't care.

Another car drives by. A ray of light brushes over the curve of Alex's back. I can tell by his breathing that he's awake. Slowly and with aching joints I lie down next to him, staring at the ceiling. The bed feels soft, too soft. As if I might sink right through it. I glance over at Alex, then reach for the wool blanket by the foot of the bed. Quietly, I slip off the bed, curl up on the floor. Finally, Alex reacts. 

“What are you doing?“

“The bed is too soft“, I explain, wrapping myself into the blanket. 

Alex shifts on the mattress. His hand dangles off the bed now, right next to me. I reach for it. We silently hold hands for a moment, him up on the bed, me on the floor. 

“Are you sure you want to sleep down there?“ He asks. 

“Yeah“

He lets go off my hand, I hear him moving around on the bed. Then he climbs down, dragging his blanket and pillow with him. “Move over“, he grunts, lying down next to me on the carpet. “Fuck, this is uncomfortable. This is how you sleep every night?“

“Yeah“ I unwrap up my blanket burrito to drape it over him. “Only it's usually colder. And dirtier. And I don't have a blanket“ Or a hot boy next to me.

“Shit, Maggie“, Alex mumbles again. “Why do you do this to yourself?“

“It's not like I have much of a choice“, I say dryly. 

“You could live with your dad“, Alex says. “A foster home“ He props himself up on his forearms, looking at me. “You could live with me“

“Alex“, I sigh. “Don't be ridiculous“

“No, I mean it“ Another car's headlights illuminate his face. He looks serious. “Stay with me“

“Alex, I can't“ I prop myself up on my elbows, trying to locate his face in the dark. “I don't want to drag you into my mess“

Alex groans loudly. “I don't give a shit about your mess. I don't want you to die out there, Magnus“

“I'll be fine“, I insist, but Alex is having none of it. 

He climbs onto my lap, plants a hand on each side of my face. The blankets are twisted and crumpled underneath his thighs. “You are literally only here right now because you would have died out there in that blizzard“

He's got a point. I try to think of an answer but his weight on my lap is distracting. “Alex“, is all I manage to say. 

“Magnus“, he mocks me. 

I sigh and squirm underneath him, but his thighs are firmly holding me in place. “Alex“, I say again. “Get off me“

“No“, he sits back on my lap and crosses his arms. I stifle a groan. 

“Alex, please“ This position we're in is doing things to my body. I know he can feel it. He sighs loudly and shuffles back a little, sitting on my thighs instead. His hands rest heavily on my hip bones. My heart is pounding. 

“Stay with me“, he says again. His voice breaks a little. 

“Can we just go to sleep?“ 

Alex groans loudly, but gets off me. I hold the wool blanket open for him and he spreads his over me, too. His body and the blankets warm me. I can hear my heart beat. Or maybe it's his. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. Not with Alex next to me like this, I'd rather cherish every moment I have left with him before I need to leave in the morning. If only it could be like this forever. Just the two of us, in peace. Waking up next to Alex instead of rats eating what little I own. 

“Alex?“ I ask into the dark, turning to face him.

“Yes?“ He sounds wide awake. 

“I- Can I kiss you again?“ I regret the question as soon as it left my mouth but Alex just chuckles. He rolls onto his side, reaches out and lays a warm hand on my cheek, running a thumb over my uneven stubble. 

“You can“, he breathes and then his lips are on mine. 

We kiss slowly, his hands on my face, mine on the small of his waist. He smells like heaven to me. Then he moves closer, presses his hips to mine and I pull him on top of me, wrap my legs around him. My body is far too exhausted to react with more than a few twitches but I can feel Alex getting excited. Just rocking my hips up slightly makes him moan. He breaks the kiss, lets his head drop onto my shoulder and chuckles lightly. 

“What?“ I ask, grinning widely. My cheeks are hot. 

“Nothing“, he mumbles, still giggling. “I just - I can't believe you're back“ 

“Yeah, you seem really excited“, I tease, grinding my hips into his again. He lets out something between a moan and laugh, pushing himself up onto his forearms. 

“At least mine still works“ he shoots back. 

“Oh, I can feel that“ I wrap my legs around him a little tighter. He coughs in an obvious effort to hide his moan. “Do you want me to - uh...“

“Get me off?“ He chuckles lightly. “No, I'm good“

Yeah, I wouldn't want my homeless ex boyfriend in my pants either. 

He rests his head against my shoulders again and we stay like that for a moment, me hugging him with all four limbs while he lay heavy on my chest, combing through my hair with his fingers. 

“It's so long“, he says into the crook of my neck. His other hand finds my cheek. “And you're stubbly“

“Well, I'm homeless“, I point out the obvious. “Gotta look the part“

He laughs against my skin, making me shiver. My ribs start to hurt under his weight so I nudge him to get off of me and we untangle our limbs. He lays next to, breathing soundly. 

“Please“, he says after a moment. “Stay here, with me“

“Alex“, I try again but he cuts me off. 

“I lost you once, Magnus. I don't want to lose you again“

“I'm right here, Alex“, I tell him softly. “I'm not going anywhere tonight, okay?“

He sighs loudly, I can hear him giving up. Alex rolls over, turns his back towards me. “Hold me, then“, he says. “And don't let go“

A smile spreads across my face. I wrap myself around him from behind, press his body close to mine. It doesn't take long for me to fall asleep. 

 

I wake up in the morning with him curled up at my side. At first I panic, not knowing where I am, but then his scent hits my nose and I relax immediately. 

“Morning, sunshine“, Alex mumbles into my neck. He's wide awake. 

“What time is it?“ I squint at the sunlight hitting me through the window. 

“Around eight“, Alex props himself up onto his elbow, looking down at me. His hair is a mess, there's dried saliva on his chin and his pillow has left an imprint on his cheek. I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life. Fuck, I wish I  could stay. But I can't. I just can't.

“Pronouns still he/him?“ I ask, flexing my hands and feet, letting the joints pop. 

Alex nods. He runs a hand through his locks, a few hairs fall down on my face. I wipe them away, prop myself up on my elbows. 

“Sleep well?“ 

He nods again, pushing himself up to sit cross-legged. With a groan he stretches, his shoulders crack loudly. “Fuck, my back“, he mumbles. “I'm never sleeping on the ground again“

I chuckle lightly and sit up, too, leaning against the bed. I can't help but stare at Alex. His shirt has slipped off his shoulder, the green was growing out of his hair, the slightest hint of acne on his cheek. A beautiful mess. Alex, my Alex.   
He notices me staring and pulls a face. I laugh. 

“Breakfast?“ He asks and when I hesitate to answer, he adds. “I'm not asking you to move in, I just don't want you to fucking starve out there“

I just nod, ignoring the slight bite in his voice. We brush our teeth and he gives me fresh clothes (despite my protests). This time he changes in front of me, pulling his shirt over his head with a swift motion, seemingly not bothered by me staring at his bare chest. I try to do the same but get stuck in my sweatshirt, taking several seconds to take it off. 

“Fuck, you're thin“, he says as he stares at my bare chest. “I bet I could lift you up“

I just let out a huff of hair and pull on a fresh shirt but Alex, with a look of determination on his face, steps closer and lays a hand on my back. Before I can react he has swept me off my feet and is holding me bridal style. 

“I knew it!“

“I feel like a princess“, I joke when he puts me back down, straightening out my clothes. 

“You're too fucking thin“, Alex says again, then takes me by the hand and pulls me downstairs to the kitchen. 

We eat a truly luxurious breakfast, composed of leftover chili, fruit (the vitamins literally give me a rush) and sandwiches so thick I can barely hold them. I haven't felt this full in almost a year. Alex watches me eat with a mixture of worry, affection and sadness. Stay with me, his eyes say. I avoid looking at them. 

I try to convince him to at least let me do the dishes as he stuffs everything I didn't eat into a lunch box, but he just drags me upstairs again, only letting go off my hand when we reach his room. There he sits me down on the bed, pulls a backpack out of his closet and thrusts the lunchbox from the kitchen into my arms.

“Hold this“, he orders and then I get to watch him scurry around the room, collecting clothes, a jacket and small things I don't recognize. He drops them onto the bed, grabs the backpack and begins filling it. “If you insist on getting back out there“, he says as he shoves the lunchbox into it, “I at least want to help“

I just watch him silently, unsure what to say. I don't deserve him. He is feeding me and letting me sleep here and I don't even give him an actual reason for not wanting to stay. Truth is, I don't exactly know. I just know I need to get my head sorted out first before I can return to having a normal life. 

Alex sets the backpack down at my feet. He sighs loudly and I look up at him. “Do you really have to go?“ He asks, wrapping his arms around himself. He looks unusually vulnerable. It pains me. 

“Hearth and Blitz will be looking for me“, I say, knowing full well that it's not the answer to his question. 

He sighs again. Then he turns around and walks over to the pile of my clothes, gathering them in his arms. Something falls out my sweater, landing on the carpet. He picks it up. I immediately know what it is. 

“Is that-“ he asks. 

“Yeah“, I respond. It's a necklace. More specifically, a shard of the pot Alex made me for our six months anniversary on a string. He gave it to me just two weeks before I left. It's all I really took from my home. 

Alex stares at the necklace in his palm, face blank. Then he drops the pile of clothes, marches back over to me and kisses me roughly, pressing the shard into my cheek as he pulls me closer. I yelp in surprise but kiss him back eagerly. He pulls away far too soon and walks back over to my clothes. 

“What was that for?“ I ask, a little puzzled. 

He just thrusts the clothes into my arms. “Stay safe out there“ 

He walks me to the door about fifteen minutes later. I can tell by his face that he doesn't want me to go but he doesn't say anything. 

“Thank you“, I tell him as I take the backpack. “I don't deserve you“

“No, you don't“, he mumbles before engulfing me in a hug so tight it leaves me breathless. 

“I'm sorry“, I whisper into the crook of his neck. I still can't believe he's taller than me now. “I wish I could stay“

“Just let me know you're not dead every now and again“, he mumbles into my hair. I nod and he squeezes me even tighter. I drop the backpack to curl my hands into his jumper. I haven't cried in ages but now I'm close to tears. Alex is sniffing suspiciously, too. We hold each other tightly for minutes on end until he eventually pulls away.   
“Go“, he mumbles, voice wet. “Before I won't let you“

I nod slowly, smiling a little, and take my backpack. He opens the door for me, wearing a sad smile as he watches me step outside into the crisp January hair. 

“My dad has another business trip in two weeks“, he says. “In case you need a shower“

I nod again. “Okay“ Leaving him is harder than I expected. 

“Say hello to your dads for me“

We're both procrastinating the real goodbye. He pulls me in again, kissing me this time and I kiss him back hungrily, almost deciding to stay. But I can't. So I pull away and mumble a goodbye and he gives me a tired smile and tells me to stay safe and then I go. 

I leave and he stares after me and we both hope that this wasn't the last time I saw him.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come talk to me on my snapchat (danny.fandom) or my kik DeathBoyGhostKing


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